born to be a tanker, raised to be a loner.

i've changed a lot ever since jc. i guessed i have became a nicer person to ppl, being too concerned abt how ppl feel. i always try to be there when ppl and frens needed my help in any form. and now, with so many things happening, i feel that i am the pillar of my family. not needing anyone to really care how i feel, i will just tank everything down for them. (maybe i was just raised to be too independent. sometimes i am really just too amazed by my independence.) and if that's the case, my time and mental strength only allows me to be a loner. while i try my best to mingle with every group of my frens, i cant devote meaningful time just to a particular person. there's just too much to handle.

ppl do change with time. ppl whom i tot were nice from interactions in orientations have changed ever since sch started. perhaps they dint change, just that you dunno enuf abt them. thinking that new frens were made during orientation...eventually only ended up as "hi, bye' frens. unless you really make the effort to stay in contact with each other, they will only be ppl whom you just go sch with, and say hi and bye when you meet.

really good and bonded frens you make is also going through the test of time. for ppl who you tot are really closed to you, to whom you can htht with, you can still lose them eventually. the link isnt that strong anymore. they themselves also made new frens and have alot of groups of frens to attend to.

these are just tots that came abt when help is earnestly needed but no help is rendered. i just feel that perhaps i was too naive trying to hold onto beliefs that were no longer arnd or never even existed.

可笑至極。但我也以領悟了，也醒目了。
別在奢求不可能的可能。