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many things had happened in the past week. actually not a lot also, just that wat happened was significant enuf to affect a lot of other stuff.
yes maybe i really dun understand, but actually i do to some extent, but wat u did made me feel like u do not trust me for how i would behave after everything. i believe i still noe how to prioritise things and not neglecting other ppl who are impt to me as well. so why are u feeling it this way..perhaps if u were the one who experience it first, den it would had been different.
maybe i really take things for granted, that some ppl wont get wat i had, that may be why i want a limit to it. maybe it is really that me and u are just diff. becos normally ppl give ppl wat they want to others instead of giving ppl wat they actually want. maybe that is why u dun get wat u really want and i get too much of wat i need. i'll try to change since i noe that this is the prob, but it cant be forced upon. but think of it positively, maybe that can help change me and allows me to give u wat u want more. that's all of wat i can say for now.
anyway, i hope to improve myself to be a better person who deserves ur improvements :]
# posted by JwwT at
5:19 PM
strive on.
even when all odds are against u.
even when no one believes u.
u have to believe in urself.
find ur own motivation.
even when there's still none.
no belief, no motivation.
just continue to strive on.
like how u used to be.
u will just get used to it.
at least
believe u have the strength to
strive on.
# posted by JwwT at
5:01 PM
AHo got a nice side too :]
smsed teachers to inform them abt my new hp no.
AHo: Thx for the info. just want to tell u not to be discouraged :) improvement will come but you need to believe you can do it :)
Me: :) thank you. i am putting in effort and hope that my mum can believe i am able to improve someday.
AHo: Your mum believes you can, but perhaps it's being masked by her concern for you. you have to be patient with her.
Me: sure. maybe i was just hoping that she could have more confidfence in me.
AHo: That will happen when the improvements come :)
Me: yea. looking forward to blk test :x maybe we can go on a date someday. i mean..a consult :p
AHo: Lolz! we shld have at least 1 consult way before blk test 1 :) if you dont have time to see me regularly, there's always email, you can drop me a note, ask me qns in class. maximise all opportunities :)
Me: ya. i will be asking for a consult soon, since i received back my InI. and abt my recent essay and compre test. and maybe also past year work too.
AHo: Cool! [signal to end convo??]
ya...true that i need more patient with my mum.
maybe it's just that we got diff expectations for one another. and that she wants me to read her mind? but i need her to spell out explicitly. so who shld accomodate who? obvious...
for your entertainment~
alvin: thx wt. you weren't in class today. hope you're ok?
me: yup. just down with a slight fever this morning.
alvin: good. drink more water and recover faster!
LOL joke!
hmmm hope my bro is doing well in aus also. heard he sian sian thr. talk to him he also sian sian. but sch is starting soon!! just one more day of sianness and u can make more frens liao. have fun! but study hard too :]
ohya, i changed my no. so if you want ask me. if not jiu maybe u think thr's no pt to stay in contact so can heck also.
hope i dun go blind ><"
# posted by JwwT at
9:09 PM
ptm ystd. damn sian. listen until pekcek. but still need to hold up that smile for show and laugh laugh a bit.. cant possibly bang the table and walk away right?
why is it that teachers got the faith and trust that u will do well, but ur very own parent dont?
am i really that not trustworthy to yall?
cant i expect some motivations, concerns and comfort from u? for so many years i have been pushing myself up. i am tired. why cant i get some encouragement? i am already putting in more effort. why cant i get some confirmation?
ya i am living in self denial. cos i cant get any confirmation.
watever shit! i got a bloody econ test next tues. if u are just going to leave me there to die, i will prove that i will climb up of that bloody shit myself.
if i cant just let me die.
dun bother abt me. and i wont bother you.
# posted by JwwT at
7:52 PM
these few days a bit cui, cos nvr slp well. so slept a lot since ystd . better liao, but still...slpy...lol.
ya sry for making ppl worry abt me..seeing me so cui in class :p hope will get better next week :] thx everyone for their concerns.
shall rest well today and chiong econ this wkend!
getting back hold of myself.
regretted collapsing.
making ppl worry, making them unhappy.
better to draw the line and keep the dist. they will be happier with someone else.
# posted by JwwT at
10:12 PM
when i tot that i can still handle,
everything went out of control.
beyond my control.
# posted by JwwT at
7:55 PM
CNY celebrations are over. Time to go back to studies. Rested enough i guess?
My mum was finally interested to meet my CT to have a chit chat session. joke. LOL.
My dad is cute. ever since that time i was late for school cos i overslept, he asked me if he need to wake me up :P but yea, my reply is always 'hehe, dun need lah'. then he will ask me wat shoe i will wear the next day, black or white. cos he wake up see my shoe gone liao then he noe i go sch le, if not he will come wake me up LOL.
I shld be contented with my life and stop getting upset over bo liao stuff. I'll try hard. I believe i am strong enough :]
but sometimes, i really hope there is something that i can hold to support, or someone who can support me..
# posted by JwwT at
10:47 PM
wth, cny sux! it's only a break for me to catch up on my work...
seriously, wat is wrong with #$*&@ GAH!
# posted by JwwT at
9:51 PM
this is disheartening lah. wth. kena scolded for studying till not so late but yea..on new year eve. who on earth is in the right mind to do work on new year eve? practically noone. why do i have to be so hardworking to get scolded??
"我又沒有千里眼，怎么知道你在讀書還是做什么？" whr's the trust?? ok fine, it nvr exsit b4. perhaps since last yr it disappeared. so what if i'm in JC now? got diff ah?? In JC, besides girls, there's also guys. so?? the world also got both wat? my family also got both wat? and, why can't opp gender be really good frens too?? whr's the diff?? all are humans? it's gender discrimination lah!
ok, so the pt is, wth?!?! i today damn tired liao still go study leh? 沒有夸獎就算了，還要被罵...sianzz lah! sighh....it's new year eve today leh....
ok watever, change mood. today's cny celebration in sch quite fun lol. doing manicure and selling hotdogs. and lou hae!!! :] though dint eat much cos a lot fly here fly there fly dunno whr liao. ok, they flew to the floor and table lah obvious. but yea, doing stuff tgt as a class is fun :] earn a lot :] as the class treasurer, i'm super proud of our performance to earn more class fund! :p
kk HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR everyone :] get lots of ang baos!!!
# posted by JwwT at
9:14 PM
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