我從來就不喜歡解釋任何我的所做所為。我會做一件是當然是有原因的。但我不喜歡解釋，因為那有點像在找借口維護你自己的行為。但有時因情況而異。為了不然我不解釋的行為而產生無畏的誤會，我選擇澄清。
at least this was wat i tot when i decided to write an apology letter to ms chua that time. i dun want a teacher who cared so much for me to be disappointed in me and lose the trust in me. this time i called to clarify matters is becos i do not want complications, which apparently had alrd occurred.

i took up the post, not becos of the testimonial, but is to protect him and the rest from being shot. as a first aider, i know i can heal myself. at least this was wat i tot to be the best solution.
i had nvr wanted this post. econg nvr approach me to ask me if i want it. she approach lk, he rejected. she approached xx, he rejected. she as xx to go find another person, he go find lk. den lk ask him find me, den i asked cm. nobody freaking wanted that post. why? one of the reason is, as quoted by cm, "i dun want to get hated". of course, the person who's freaking going to take up that bloody post is going to get hated to the core. who wants it?
But there was no choice. econg had alrd made her decision. she wanted lk to be. i could i let this happen? so yes, i volunteered to take up the post. the angel in u may choose to believe wat i said above. but the devil may be thinking, "yea right? got so nice ah huh? cfm is for the testimonial one lah? who doesnt want it? why will econg, with no reason, ask a treasurer to help her collate who's going for psc make up?"
That's wat i wanted to know to. why did she ask me to do it when lk was asst ct that time? i dint even know she asked me to do it until he told me cos econg sent me a msg to my old phone no. is like wth?? why me? how i noe sia...

den the devil starts speaking again, "平時夠乖啦！want to get her attention right?"
to be 乖 is wat a student shld do. and i not that 乖 anyway...i just do wat i tot is right. to attend lesson punctually, to study, ans qns..wat wrong with that? i believe that's how i can managed my studies..

devil: but still do so much stuff to AA...
yes, i did stuff that may be beyond wat i shld do as just a member of the class. but that was to help my leaders. i wrote this in my speech for MCS elections - I do hope to be given a chance, but if someone more deserving were to be appointed instead, I will also do my best as a member to help the Exco. i merely wanted to help out my class leaders. i am just happy enuf to be a member in the class. i had nvr liked to be a monitor for a class. you can ask shao ting how much i hate it. and yes, even if i am not the monitor, i will still do my best to help her if she needs help, esp when she is ur fren..like wat i did to shao ting in sec 4.

If all i did was for the testimonial, den i would have done that a long time ago..i would run for ct rep in j1, i would accept the offer when econg asked me to replace the asst ct in j1..why would i only do it now? everything..it was econg who approaches me. to replace u as asst ct rep last yr, to replace brandon as treasurer this yr. this time, i was left with no choice but to volunteer myself.
And why would i want to be the ct rep when i am alrd so busy and stressed up? H3, PLAP, SYF...i had to go home late almost evryday now.. 干嘛要不自量力？做事要量力而為。但我別無選擇。一旦接受了，我會保証我會做到。if it is beyond my limit, i will stretch my limits.

I believed i posted smth regarding this issue b4, as of 12 apr 2010: "That's why i have decided to give up on any leadership posts in JC. I know this is a super bad idea as it can really damage my portfolio...but life is not just about building up portfolio, is it? At least that was what i tot. But realty is cruel. It forces you to change or work against your principles. I need a good portfolio to get a chance to obtain a scholarship, to lessen the burden of my family...but it requires me to oppose my principles...*in dilemma* I don't want to build up my portfolio for the sake of building it up. It is so fake. It is not the true you when people look at ur portfolio..so wat's the point? I want a portfolio that reveals the true me, with my passion."
I know my passion does not lie in being a class monitor. why force myself to do that? i had no choice when i weigh the pros and cons and insist on protecting who is impt to me.

I hate it when after econg annouced it to the class, she linked it back to testimonial again. i nvr liked to do stuff for testimonial, that's why i hate the sg education system. but even if i had to, i wun do it this way. i will just jolly well start a SL project.
If i really want a good testimonial, i wun be a nobody in class; i wun be without a post for OCIP; i wouldnt reject the offer when i was offered to be the sectres for OCIP. lols...when i was even asked abt that, i was like "hehe no.." i could reject it as if i dun gve a heck abt it. dun believe go ask anyone u noe in that OCIP. even if i am a nobody, i still did my best for the sake of the whole group of ppl. esp when i was in the log team for OCIP. who can see wat i did when i was just a member of a team? quite hard ah..but i still did. it was for the benefit for the whole grp. things have to be done.

when it comes to a point that there was even a slightest moment that u had once doubted my integrity, it shows that there is really smth wrong with our friendship. of course i would hope that we can still remain as wat we was in the past, but even if we could go back, it will be somehow different alrd. as for now, 我不想用熱臉去貼冷屁股。那感覺很糟。也許我們都需要時間。
it is hard to pull ppl up, but easy to pull them down. when econg first told me abt this, and later linked it to finding spouse etc..the first person i tot was you. maybe u nvr felt like i was trying to pull u up, but i did try. maybe i failed. but yes, even if i was pulled down by this, i will make sure i will climb back up.
and i told myself, 就算有在大的事發生在朋友身上，我都會幫他們頂。這是我的性格。我無所畏懼。因為我相信我有那個能力和能耐。所以我會選擇保護大家。
and yes, last thing. the sms that i sent that night, was before i read ur post and before i knew i was going to be ct rep.

of course the devil may still be there, "你現在要說什么都可以啦。一切都發生了。講到好像很偉大...偽善者..貓苦老鼠..shedding crocs tears..."
如果真的那么想，我會選擇嗤之以鼻