突發奇想。
i need passion to lead, i.e SJ so far. I enjoy leading then because i got the post that i deserved.
i got the post because of the effort i put in for the past 3 yrs, which seniors saw. It was not intended, but somehow it got recognised. So i was really happy for it. I don't like to fight for post/things that i think is not deserved. I need recognition from people, so that i know that i am good. It is a different sense of achievement and satisfaction that i want. That's why i have decided to give up on any leadership posts in JC. I know this is a super bad idea as it can really damage my portfolio...but life is not just about building up portfolio, is it? At least that was what i tot. But realty is cruel. It forces you to change or work against your principles. I need a good portfolio to get a chance to obtain a scholarship, to lessen the burden of my family...but it requires me to oppose my principles...*in dilemma* I don't want to build up my portfolio for the sake of building it up. It is so fake. It is not the true you when people look at ur portfolio..so wat's the point? I want a portfolio that reveals the true me, with my passion. i don't want to be more 虛偽 already...虛偽的面具已經讓我覺得好累好累了。so now i shall just see how things go...

Next. Yes! I am glad that i can sense efforts from ppl whom (not purposely) try to change their impressions that i had on them. I do welcome these changes, as it can make my life better, so why not? Because first impression does matter a lot to me. So i'm just glad...seriously. It is not that bad afterall :]

This part of the post is requested by 某人.
Don't you think that it is screwed to get scammed by doing a stupid crush quiz? find a wall and bang ur head against it....dig a hole and hide in there...this is so damn embarrassing...how are you going to face the person??? trying to salvage and act normal...let's see how things go...

ok, my weekend is screwed up again....not productive at all...only read econs notes, which in the end, i screwed it up. Ep calculated wrongly....sian lah! wat have i been studying??? slack slack slack...want to kill myself liao. must work hard for GP also!!!! need motivation and pushes to work hard on something that you don't have passion for. 加油加油!!!